sábado, 28 de noviembre de 2009

Late Night/Early Morning Happiness Post

Random events have been happening that have made me think of what happiness is and what sort of things I am going to have to do in order to obtain it. I was wondering whether it is immaturity that is causing me to be unable to deal with life´s challenges....or my sensitivity...my desire to please others..... or something else. Here are 10 rules I am going to try to live my life by from now on.
  1. Love myself. I am the only me I have, and if I am consantly down on myself I am never going to be happy with what my life is. That doesn´t mean do whatever I want, but really accept and love myself to the heart of who I am, good bad and ugly. I think as a Christian I can love myself and have self esteem but still hate sin and bad things that I may think, say, or do. God made me to be the best parts of me, for His purposes. He wants me to influence people positively and help them to see Him in the good parts of Me. (Deep enough for you?)
  2. Be around positive people who accept me for me and who do not dictate who I am or my level of happiness. Other people can add to my happiness, but if I am going to live a happy life, I need to be joyful regardless of the circumstances. My sis said something to that effect. I think especially after my long-term relationship that lasted most of my college years, my priorities were messed up. Only I can make me happy by being who I am. A job, relationship, marriage, kids....that only adds to the happiness. But if I am seeking out those things in order to be happy, I will not ever feel it.
  3. Be passionate about the things I choose to do, not lukewarm. Life is not worth living if I am not pursuing something I really love. I think my problem with teaching right now is that all my love for the subject matter has been overshadowed by discipline problems. When I went to school to be a teacher I reflected back on the fun, educational times that I experienced with my teachers. I love Spanish, literature, and sharing my talents. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate what sort of environment could help me to experience my passions in the right way.
  4. Appreciate the people around me who support me, and pray for those who don´t.
  5. Not try to escape, distract myself, etc from my responsibilities. This represents both something tangible (undone dishes in the sink) and something more abstract (an attitude I find myself having in times when I would much rather cry than try). I need to handle challenges by putting my best effort forward. If even after that I fail, it was not a challenge I was meant to overcome right now.
  6. Enable myself to do the things I enjoy, in spite of what anyone else might think.
  7. Not fear failure so much that I do not do something that would enrich my life.
  8. Accept the fact that maybe I am a person who isn´t meant to be a social butterfly. A person can have a rich life with a small circle of friends and family. In fact, then I have a lower probability of being let down.
  9. Lean on those who have proven themselves worthy of my trust.
  10. Not try to make the romance thing happen if it isn´t meant to. Right now working on me is really what is going to pay off when I look back on my life on my death bed, not seeking a man to make me feel needed and wanted. Oscar Wilde said that to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. It certainly isn´t selfish or egotistical to love who I am. I am certainly worth it. The One I am meant to be with is out there, and God really wants me to know who I am and what I want before he may reveal that guy to me.

jueves, 26 de noviembre de 2009

Thanksgiving Break

After a two and a half day work week, break is finally here. I feel like I haven´t laid around too much. Although after Wednesday´s early out, I took a nap before packing up and coming to SSC. Then went to New Moon with Matt. (Twilight people are crazy, aren´t they?) Thought the night would end there but met up with 2 Otterby boys and a Buehler! (Not Ferris!) Then went to IHOP.... he he he! I love that place!!!

Today cleaned and cooked (well I just did a little cleaning, and eating....), had Thanksgiving Dinner at South Ridge Drive. Exchanged ornaments with Dodo, Lynn, and Jess. :)

I am very thankful that in spite of the craziness of my life that I have people to be thankful for. I may not have a lot of people in my life, but those that I do know and love accept me and love me as I am. Thanks everyone. Life would be a lot harder if I didn´t have you all around to support me.

sábado, 21 de noviembre de 2009

Jumping on the Twilight Bandwagon, aka Kelsey the Fangirl will live forever!


There is a lot of hoopla right now over the new Twilight movie, New Moon. While I haven’t seen it, I anticipate seeing it over Thanksgiving break with my guy friend. It made me think about, why, Kelsey, at 24, are you still crazed over this series of books as if you were a thirteen year-old girl?

First, I am going to discuss the series itself and my thoughts about the books and movies. I read all the books before I saw the movie, so I can say that I was a Twilight fan before Robert Pattinson. I have very pleasant memories of sitting in my ex-boyfriend’s dorm room, reading the books together. Regardless of the things that split us apart, one thing that Ross and I enjoyed together was literature, movies, and discussing them. English majors do that. And the Twilight books? They are relatively easy to read (a few big words), take you into another world, and really draw you into the conflict of good and evil and Bella and Edward.

Honestly, I don’t actually think vampires and werewolves (ok shapeshifters) exist, but I have always liked movies with a bit of supernatural in with the romance. And before you ask, I am on Team Jacob. I think occurences in my life have led me to think, it is better to have a guy who will stick by you through anything than a guy who dominates your life and makes choices (like Edward leaving) without consulting you.

I have discussed this with some people, and we’ve decided that Bella seems kind of an anti-feminist. And though inside some of us women we wish we could be swept off our feet by an Edward character (I think that’s the attraction of him besides the hunky Robert Pattinson), although a Jacob character would love us no matter what and for who we really are.

However, in spite of the inner yearnings of some women (and yes myself sometimes) for an epic romance, I don’t want to be like Bella. Crushed when left by one guy and using another in order to try to fill the hole that the other one left. I am the one who determines what I do, who I date, and for what reasons.

In New Moon, Bella seems powerless. And we modern women, in spite of heartbreak we may experience, are far from that. We let society and our own insecurities convince us we are. I think the book would have been much more interesting and less pathetic if Bella could just have found Edward, kicked him around a bit (hence the Edward bashing), and determined that Jacob was a safer choice and been happy the rest of her earthy life. But no, she whined and used Jacob for comfort, and then left him the second she found out where Edward was. Jacob in the later books is angry, because he does love Bella, but he’ll never be the “right type of monster” for her. Hey Jacob, I’m here, I can give you my address…

And I certainly don’t want to be like Bella at the end: (spoiler alert Breaking Dawn) married, knocked up, and turned into a vampire. I believe in eternal life but that’s certainly not the type I want.

Next, I am going to talk about my fangirl tendencies…or why liking books and movies appeals to me. It all started with Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic at age 11. I saw the 3 hour movie 3 times in the theater and devoted the better part of 3 or 4 years worshipping the story of Jack and Rose. Yes, I did fan fic, I bought the books, the dolls…etc etc. And it led me to meet Leanne, my penpal from London, England! (I miss ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca’ with you! Hi dear!) My passions for stories moved on to include Moulin Rouge (yay Ewan), Phantom of the Opera, and nearly every literature-based, historical, romantic, and maybe even Spanish-speaking movie/book/story that exists. I will save my ever-growing list of those for another post.

I think no matter how old I get, some stories (whether on paper or on the screen) will always appeal to me. I was going to say old and boring but I have no plan on becoming boring…I am going to be the best world-traveling, college-teaching, Latin-dancing awesome me I can be! But why do these stories appeal to me?

I guess I am a hopeless romantic, but a feminist one who thinks that I can make a love story happen for myself rather than waiting by for Prince Charming to come. Interesting story, huh? “And then Princess Charming held out the glass sneaker that she wondered how he could have dropped because it was made of glass. In fact, she wondered how it could have gotten on his foot in the first place… And he fawned over her, scooped her up into a passionate embrace, and they lived happily ever after.” Movies need to start telling those stories, because I certainly believe they exist! And there's one out there for me!

lunes, 16 de noviembre de 2009

My good points!

Whether or not you care or know, I am having a very difficult time. In times like this I have to remind myself that there are good things about me and that I am loved by my family and friends. I hope you know how much you are loved and the good things about you. Life isn´t enjoyable without reminding yourself that you aren´t a total waste of life. I know I´m not.

I am a kind person.

I know Spanish content.

I have wonderful people surrounding me.

I have goals in life.

I enjoy learning.

I am honestly making an attempt to deal with my weaknesses. I know it may take a long time but eventually I will be happy with the way things go at work. And already tonight I went and worked off my stress...so hopefully paired with healthy eating it will result in more self confidence.

And if I am not able to be successful in everything, God has a plan for me.

lunes, 9 de noviembre de 2009

People and things that keep me going...

First of all, just like in an acceptance speech, nothing in my life would be possible if it were not for God.

People -- thank you for supporting me and being there to hear when I have had a bad day.
  • Mom, Dad, Whitty, Tay-Tay
  • Cousin Jessica
  • Coworkers at school
  • Friends --
  • Students who have the right attitude
  • Teachers who supported me in high school and college
  • The people at Curves

Things -- I am a big fan of these things, and if they were people, I´d thank them!
  • Sushi -- both my dog and the food
  • Books!
  • Avacados
  • Old Navy
  • Mac!
  • ITunes
  • The cast of the shows ¨The Office,¨ ¨House,¨etc... Keep me laughing and interested during the week!

sábado, 7 de noviembre de 2009

Buscando mi media naranja

The title of this blog entry is from an activity I was able to do at the UNL Immersion last summer. ¨media naranja¨is a phrase meaning literally ¨half orange¨ but it means essentially your ¨other half¨or soul mate. We took the idea of eharmony profiles and applied it to the book The Alchemist and the characters in it. It was super fun, like the rest of the Immersion! It´s also an idea I would really want to use in my classroom because it has you using the language in a useful, fun, realistic way.

I guess what thinking back to this activity made me think of was searching for my soul mate. Knowing that there are guys out there that are quality, I wonder sometimes if someone that is right for me exists.

I was single for 19 years of my life and have only had 2 boyfriends. My only significant relationship was 3 and a half years, My problem is that both of these guys liked me and I thought to myself, ok, I like the fact that these guys are liking me. And in both relationships, I put myself into them and really became attached to these guys. The bad thing about my last relationship is that I think my priorities were out of order. I put the guy first. Now whether this is because of my poor self esteem, a willingness to please, and a desire to stay in a relationship.... I realize now that there were a lot of things wrong with that relationship and the way I handled it.

Right now I am single again at age 24. It is ok. I think that God meant for me to realize that hey, I matter, and need to be happy with myself before I can be happy with another person. I am an awesome person who doesn´t have everything together, but there is a ton of things that are good about me.

I think the things that happen, for good or bad, make us who we are. I wouldn´t be the me I am today if I didn´t experience what I did.

A lot of times if I think about it, I can imagine the guy who is my media naranja. He doesn´t have to be anything, I know....but the type of guy who would really be an awesome boyfriend/future spouse would be...
  • loving, kind, and not afraid to show what he is feeling
  • understanding of the way I am and the things I value
  • culturally competent and not prejudiced
  • appreciative of what a treasure I am!
  • able to understand my need for intellectual discussions, emotional moments (sometimes a girl just needs to cry or rant), and things related to Spanish.
  • not my entire life, but a very very good part of my life, which would be a fulfilling life because of not just my relationship but many things.
And I think this time, if I see and meet someone who gives me a good feeling (deeper than just attraction, though that is important as well), I am going to take a chance trusting my own feelings and go for it! Love is too important to me to sit by waiting for someone to find me. I need to meet people, do fun things, and put myself out there in order to make my odds better.

And if God means for me to be single until the man he has ready for me arrives, that is ok. Obviously God knows what he is doing although I may not always understand it when it happens. God wants me to know that who I am is ok, and it should be a desire for me to change for myself that drives me to improve myself, not desiring to please someone. No thing or person on earth should be my god but GOD HIMSELF. He is the one who knows what is best for me and desires to be my All. And He deserves it!

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding

miércoles, 4 de noviembre de 2009

My attitude towards challenges

I have had a pretty easy life, I´ll be honest. I was a studious, quiet high schooler who found groups of friends who accepted me, and found sucess in extracurricular and academic activities.

Currently I am struggling with some issues in my life. Without getting into detail, I will say that my solution is going to have to come through me, with the help of God. I am not sure whether I am going to be able to do it, but I feel very blessed to have so many people supporting me in all I do.

I want to still follow through with my future plans for grad school.

I feel like God is speaking to me in little ways, like this quote from Teresa of Avila:
quien a Dios tiene
nada le falta
aunque todo lo pierda
solo Dios basta.

This means... who has God, is missing nothing. Although everything is possible to be lost (?), only God suffices.

I know I can get through anything if I rely on something bigger than myself. The things I accomplish in life will mean nothing if they come easily, and they will mean even less than nothing if I don´t give credit for accomplishments and getting through hard times to where it is needed.