Looking at word clouds.....
I have word clouds of:
a poem by Sor Juana, Cancion de Pirata by Espronceda, Que es poesia? by Becquer, San Juan de La Cruz "Llama de amor viva," Mientras por competir by Gongora, Sonnet 17 in English by Pablo Neruda, Romance de la luna, luna by Lorca, Nuestra America by Jose Marti,and some English quotes by Teresa of Avila and San Juan de la Cruz
what to do with them? rewrite into a new poem? give impressions before the poem is read in original form?
there is so much that can be done.! Glad I wrote it down.
jueves, 25 de febrero de 2010
3/3 at 3 pm. good sign, I hope? My fav # is 33 or 333. My Grama, though she's in the hospital, is very excited for me! It's her fav # too!
I am thinking that this school is going to be pretty nice....more of what I am looking for than where I was at. I will be sad to leave subbing but really, it is an "in between" job. Not ideal.....but will get me to where I need to go. Guess the principal at HS gave me a good rec. :) Loved subbing in Spanish and the kids in ESL told me I speak good Spanish! In spite of whatever mischveiousness is in these kids, I am getting stricter
I was having a hard week....but I guess I see where my 'rents are coming from. Life is stressful. Have feelings but don't stew in them. Living at home is challenging me....but I am thinking it will have been worth it to get me to Spain.
I hope by this time next year I will have...
- a successful job working with students in a Spanish classroom
- my own apartment filled with books
- 1/3 of a Master's in Spanish
- memories of a fun summer
- more self confidence
- additional skills in the classroom and in life
- more internal peace
But it's in God's hands. He knows what's best.
lunes, 22 de febrero de 2010
I should remind myself that I'm too blessed to be stressed.....but that's going to take some change of mindset. I am a worrier. It's a family thing.
Two of the schools at which I applied for jobs sent me letters saying they had filled the positions. I know that I got my first job in April, so I need to not get stressed out. But a headache plus a paycheck that wasn't as big as I had hoped, is enough to make anyone bummed. Trying to get over it and not complain. I have a job. That's a lot more than some people can say. I am in good health. I have a loving, nonabusive family. I have a college degree and am pursuing more education. I may not have everything going for me, but I have a whole lot!
I am filling out more applications, printing out cover letters, and sending them. Hoping to have some interviews and find my dream school.
I have had conversations with fam that I can't be picky, but here are the areas I am going to be picky on:
- not too terribly far away (maybe my next job after ths one, but I am still a homebody. 3 hours max -- I want to someday get my PhD and teach at the university level so probably Lincoln or Omaha would be good at some point. but I am sticking to this step first....that step later.)
- maybe in my neighbor state of IA? I need to look into getting a certificate there.
- I want to have a job in Spanish. It is where my passion is. If there are the other subjects mixed in, that's ok. But I am too awesome at teaching Spanish not to apply for positions that are for that type of teacher.
- I could do English and ESL but really my experience and heart are in Espanol! I need to pursue my passion. Anything else would not be very fulfilling.
- I want to go to a school and have a warm, positive feeling inside about it. I know there is only so much that can be known from the application process and interview process, but I want to think to myself after the experience, "Wow, I really want to work here!" (I should think about asking questions that are going to get to the heart of what is important to me....probably going to blog about that sometime soon.)
- I want the possibility for advancement. Especially since I want an MA in Spanish. I will have 16 grad credits by this fall. Hopefully that won't scare any schools away from hiring me.
- A town that is close to a larger town or has something to do within the town/city itself.
I am subbing and making a reputation for myself here, and that can only be good. I need to remind myself every day that I get into my teacher clothes that this point in my life, while not exactly what I expected, has a purpose and I can make the best of it. Honestly subbing is very good. The unsureness of whether I work every day can be solved with a quick phonecall....and whether or not I work, waking up and getting the day started is good. (I learned this the hard way.)
Working -- I was able to sub and actually plan in Spanish for a total of 5 days because of a teacher family emergency. While I'm not happy that an emergency happened I did enjoy my experiences.
Spanish 2 and 3 (and 4) would be my ideal teaching area. Spanish 1 is more just getting acquainted with the language and learning vocabulary. It is when you have some background knowledge that you can start doing a lot of fun stuff with the language. I think I also like it that kids at this school have been exposed to native speakers, so they pronounce things correctly and already have some background knowledge. I also don't get some of the refusing to do things because kids don't want to learn Spanish. These kids know they need to know it! God bless 'em! They may not be perfect but I think I can handle them.
So this is what grownups do! Get up in the morning, go to work, earn money and pay for bills, experience life. I felt like I was experiencing life in my previous job, but really, here I feel connected....to fam, coworkers, friends, etc. That makes all the difference.
sábado, 20 de febrero de 2010
Love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. Loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. You either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.
I think I am willing to love authentically. There are a lot of reasons why I am afraid of love or getting involved with someone. I read a site summarizing this book: Ms. Typed: Discover Your True Dating Persaonality and Rewrite your Romantic Future by Michelle R. Callahan, PhD. I could relate to some of the types described in this book, although I didn't read it yet, just an article online.
- Ms. Second Place -- putting everyone else before myself
- Ms. Rose-Colored Glasses - not seeing that a situation (ie my ex) was bad, ignoring red flags
- Ms. Perfect - very idealistic. Wondering if anyone will ever meet my expectations.
I think that being aware of what emotional baggage I have will put me at an advantage. Of course I won't bring this up on a first date, but the guy that is long term material should be willing to hear my emotions. The way I feel and sharing it is so essential to who I am that I can't imagine being with someone who is anti-emotion. I don't think that I need a complete, huggy feely, school counselor type, but really, a person who is unable to talk about their feelings or at least hear others talk about their feelings is going to have a lot of issues.
I am trying to be a positive person so I would try to both share the good and bad with the person I am with, but I think every person wanting a relationship wants someone who is willing to ride the rollercoaster of life through both the lows and highs.
I am doing a lot of thinking if you couldn't tell. Of course I am going to show my best side to whoever I am interested in romantically at first, but I am very desirous of a person who accepts me in spite of my flaws.
This world lets me down a lot of the time. I know in my heart that there are good people with good morals and hearts in the right place. I want to find one to share my life with.
We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it. - Abraham Lincoln
I try to live by this quote, but sometimes it's really hard! A lot of people say whatever comes to their mind, not caring who it hurts. A lot of people live their lives that way -- "if it feels good, do it." Consequences come from actions as well as words.
I try to realize that when someone says something to me that offends me, there is a reason that they say it. It doesn't make it hurt any less.
I also try not to give offense. But again, it is difficult. I know that I shouldn't do things or live my life because of what it may get me, but I do want to have positive results in this life.....a good feeling, someone appreciating me.... Doing the right thing should be its own reward, but it helps when someone sees that you are a good person. I have to silence the voice in my head that thinks thoughts that are hurtful.
I just wish that life would encourage good behavior.
I know the world is against God's children....and that the wicked prosper in life on Earth, but not afterwards.... that has to be enough.
domingo, 14 de febrero de 2010
I really like that in Spanish Valentine's Day is the day of love AND friendship. Friendship is, for me, a prerequisite to true romance, and really, friends are more valuable than a bunch of bad dates. So much of American Valentine's Day is wrapped up in couples. or they call it Singles Awareness Day. Like being single is a disease. Wear a red ribbon in support of those who are single! If everyone's aware we can fight this epidemic....
I am a romantic person. I love reading a book in which there is a really engaging love story. Or even not such an engaging love story. (Yes I read romance novels too....guilty! Those are usually very unrealistic but there is romance.) In short, I love LOVE! I just don't have any real romance in my life right now. *insert sigh here* If it is worth having, it will happen, and it won't necessarily happen quickly. It is possible to be happy and single. I am discovering that. But at the same time, I want to think to myself that when I am in a relationship, that it is what is best for me. How do I do that? Get to know people, trust them, and make note in my head of any red flags that show that a person (as a friend) is not good for me. I know I might not necessarily marry the next person I date. I am willing to take a chance on someone....I just need to know in my heart of hearts that I have value, and that no love is worth ruining myself emotionally. My ideal man would make me more of who I am, and I would make him more of who he is.
I am happy for those who are in a good, stable relationship with a person who really values them. That is what I want in a relationship. But I know that society has kind of screwed up perfectly sane people with the idea of "love" or "romance." So begins my rant part of this post.....
A lot of the romantic movies make your heart strings flutter are not realistic. I hope that even whilst I melt into a puddle on the ground, I realize that this EPIC, INSTANT love is UNREALISTIC.
Cases in point:
- My beloved Twilight. Beyond the supernatural elements, Edward and Bella have a very obsessive, overprotective, unhealthy sort of love. Which is why I like Jacob and the love he has for her. :) I have talked about this before. Nothing against Stephenie Meyer, she knows what teen girls want to read.....but really, don't take life lessons from fictional characters. Because then you'll end up in a love triangle, preggers with a vampire baby, and then a vampire yourself.
- Titanic. Cross class love. He saves her from committing suicide, sneaks around with her on an ocean liner, draws her naked....etc etc....and he dies. And she remembers him even when she is a 110.
- Disney princes and heroines. (CCDC talked about how a very needy "Cinderella" might have some issues after the wedding with her egotistical, narcassistic prince.) Sleeping Beauty. Snow White. Ariel. Again, as much as I love these movies, do not take them as advice for how to live your life. I will not get into the details.
- Phantom of the Opera. The Phantom has major anger issues. Don't kidnap the person who you supposedly love and threaten to kill your competition if your love doesn't want to stay with you.
Real romances happen. I am sure of it. But there will be bumps along the road. Even the happiest couples fight. It isn't all puppies and rainbows. The thing is, you have to be willing to go down the road of life with someone, and to be there for them no matter what. That's committment.
Real love makes you feel....
a better you!
And of course, the Bible has this to say:
|1 Corinthians 13:1-13|
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
A common misconception is that this is talking excusively about couples. TRUTH: Love doesn't necessarily mean romance. Friends and family can give you this type of love.
BUT, ideally, a romantic partner would be patient and kind to you, not be jealous of you in any way, would care for your needs, would want the best for you. An ideal romantic partner would forgive. If you want an ideal romantic partner, you need to try to live up to the ideals of being a good friend and a good romantic partner. If you want someone good, be someone good. We're all human, but we are all capable of working towards being good.
Love might even show itself in something that really hurts you to do. Like understanding if someone you really like gets married to someone they really are happy with. Or that your loved one isn't going to drop their entire life and focus just on you. That's selfish.
Real love happens between equals who encourage the betterment of each other. Obsessive, self-centered relationships do not equal successful romance. In fact, save your loved one therapy money and if you're in a relationship like that, get out!
RANT ENDED! GO AND LOVE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAM!
On this topic,
I love the artist Travis and his songs "Luv" and "Safe":
sábado, 6 de febrero de 2010
*This is completely in fun, not real at all.....but I am expressing some things that I really value and want a spouse in the future to respect.*
Dear Future Spouse,
Obviously we are on the brink of something exciting and new for us -- marriage!
Hopefully I will have covered this information in our relationship before this point, but I am just putting it down on paper so you are aware and respect my wishes for our marriage and life as a family in the future.
First of all, I want bilingual babies. You heard me. I want to speak both English and Spanish to our future children so that they are bilingual. I think you'll agree that this will be for their own good.
Second, emotion. I am sure you are aware that I am a very emotional person. When I get emotional, either sad and weepy, angry and boiling, or somewhere in between, here is a guideline for dealing with me:
1. Don't ask me why I'm acting like this. Ask me about my day and hopefully the story will come out.
2. if I need hugs and kisses, give me those.
if I seem to be in a mood that I don't want anyone around, head for the hills, brother!
slip chocolate under the door though and hopefully I will be quickened towards my normal awesome self. most (but not all) of my problems can be solved by chocolate so always keep some handy.
3. know that if I ask you how you feel, it is because I care. I may overshare. I want you to share something....doesn't have to be the same amount that I do, that might not be your way. Just know that is something that's important to me. You might know what I ate for lunch for the last 10 years or details that really don't matter in the long run. Feel blessed that I care for you enough to want to share with you the experiences I have when we're apart.
Third, I am a modern woman who wants a 50% 50% relationship.
Yes, you can be the spiritual leader of the family and I will take your last name, but I am not Susie Homemaker. But I don't want to be cooking and cleaning and taking care of babies 24/7 while you watch football on the couch with a beer and do nothing. We can figure out something so that we are equally divided.
I hope to be a supportive, loving spouse who is willing to compromise. I hope you will be too.
In conclusion, while I love you dearly and can't wait to marry you. We may not always get along. But I am willing to stick out the bad for the good because I value you.
I hope you feel the same way.
Your Wife To Be
I didn't work at all this week. It's probably my own fault because I tried to call the guy who sets up the subbing, but he was busy. I called him on Thursday night and now I have 3-4 days next week.
Anyway I got stir crazy. It's hard for me not to get out of the house especially because it is my parents' house. I picked up my sis from school but that was it. It made me freak out at really little things.
I wonder why I am the way I am sometimes. I have so much good about me but it is hard for me to believe in myself or think that what I choose to do is right and smart. I am glad I'm not cocky but really I could use a boost of self-confidence every once in a while.
I was able to go out for sushi Friday night with my sister and a new friend. It was good to have conversation with people closer to my age. I think that the three of us have pretty high standards for people and that it is hard to find people who are going to be worthwhile friends.
End of mini rant.
martes, 2 de febrero de 2010
I got into this below but I thought it merited another entry.
I have often said to myself that I need to figure out who I am before going out with someone. But really, that shouldn't be a prerequisite.
I don't know who said that in order to have a great relationship, that both individuals in it have to be completely perfect. Works in progress are ok too! No one is perfect, and if either one thinks they are perfect or demands that of the other person, that is not going to be a good relationship. It is one of my biggest pet peeves when someone thinks they are perfect. Humility is something I really value. It is the people who make the least fuss about some good quality that they possess that really are the best influence and inspiration. At least in my little heart.
I think I am always moving towards knowing myself more, but I don't think that at any point I will be able to say, yes, I'm perfect now. Now I deserve to be in a relationship. That's dumb! As flawed as I am, I still deserve something good whenever it shows up and in whatever form. My ability to recognize the goodness of said thing (or person) will continue improving, but I am really getting down on myself if I say I am not good enough right now. I may not be perfect, but I think I have many good qualities. I am not going to rub them in everyone's face but I am going to take some pride in them, and recognize my weaknesses as well. Life is a balance and I know that things are never going to be completely perfect, but my awknowledging that fact makes me better.
I have spent many Valentine's Days as a single girl. It is only recently within the last 4 years that I have had a boyfriend at all. I might buy myself some chocolates this single's awareness day, or maybe I'll go on a date! I don't know.
I have a great capacity to love. Sometimes I love too much. But I don't think that's a really bad quality to have. I am not going into the world of life (and or love) unprepared. I hope somewhere deep in my heart that I will be as lucky as my mom to find a high quality man like my dad. I know that if mi principe azul (Spanish version of Prince Charming, actually means blue prince!) is out there, he is worth waiting for. But my future spouse would want me to make the most of my life now and not waste away like Rapunzel in a tower!
Anywho, that's the end of my tangent aka birdwalk!
I am listening to Josh Groban right now, and he's singing in Spanish. And yes I am going to post the lyrics and translate them! I really think this guy should have a tv show....... I saw him in concert with my Auntie Kim but it's been far too long.
I might make my future Spanish students when they are learning the future tense, listen to this song!