I guess what thinking back to this activity made me think of was searching for my soul mate. Knowing that there are guys out there that are quality, I wonder sometimes if someone that is right for me exists.
I was single for 19 years of my life and have only had 2 boyfriends. My only significant relationship was 3 and a half years, My problem is that both of these guys liked me and I thought to myself, ok, I like the fact that these guys are liking me. And in both relationships, I put myself into them and really became attached to these guys. The bad thing about my last relationship is that I think my priorities were out of order. I put the guy first. Now whether this is because of my poor self esteem, a willingness to please, and a desire to stay in a relationship.... I realize now that there were a lot of things wrong with that relationship and the way I handled it.
Right now I am single again at age 24. It is ok. I think that God meant for me to realize that hey, I matter, and need to be happy with myself before I can be happy with another person. I am an awesome person who doesn´t have everything together, but there is a ton of things that are good about me.
I think the things that happen, for good or bad, make us who we are. I wouldn´t be the me I am today if I didn´t experience what I did.
A lot of times if I think about it, I can imagine the guy who is my media naranja. He doesn´t have to be anything, I know....but the type of guy who would really be an awesome boyfriend/future spouse would be...
- loving, kind, and not afraid to show what he is feeling
- understanding of the way I am and the things I value
- culturally competent and not prejudiced
- appreciative of what a treasure I am!
- able to understand my need for intellectual discussions, emotional moments (sometimes a girl just needs to cry or rant), and things related to Spanish.
- not my entire life, but a very very good part of my life, which would be a fulfilling life because of not just my relationship but many things.
And I think this time, if I see and meet someone who gives me a good feeling (deeper than just attraction, though that is important as well), I am going to take a chance trusting my own feelings and go for it! Love is too important to me to sit by waiting for someone to find me. I need to meet people, do fun things, and put myself out there in order to make my odds better.
And if God means for me to be single until the man he has ready for me arrives, that is ok. Obviously God knows what he is doing although I may not always understand it when it happens. God wants me to know that who I am is ok, and it should be a desire for me to change for myself that drives me to improve myself, not desiring to please someone. No thing or person on earth should be my god but GOD HIMSELF. He is the one who knows what is best for me and desires to be my All. And He deserves it!
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding