The thought expressed in that character's quote also got me thinking. Some of the most successful individuals didn't always do well in school. Adolescence is not always the age where a lot of people have things figured out (I didn't!), but I think that is no excuse to make school insanely easy or to just write off someone and not help them. I remember my early years in middle and high school and it was a wave of hormones and mood swings, accompanied by a desire to please others. Others had the opposite attitude but the same stormy mood.
Now, while I've changed, I still want to make a difference in someone's life. I consider my personality in my career life to be what I want it to be, although sometimes I am overly cautious.
What are my excuses not to pursue my personal life (basically finding and keeping close friends and finding a significant other) as fervently as I do my professional life?
- In my personal life, I have been pretty sheltered. I have not had too many experiences, which is why my common sense can sometimes be lacking.
- I've been hurt.
- The timing isn't right.
- I worry what the other person is going to think of me.
A previous post here talked about how I am a good dreamer, but often don't know how to act on my dreams. Why on earth are we (I am assuming you are a fellow dreamer) afraid to act when we aren't afraid to dream up the most insanely wonderful things?
I feel like currently my life is getting better and more enjoyable every day. But still,I have feelings or dreams that I am just too scared to act on. REALLY, what is the worst thing that could happen? I act like I would just DIE if I had to go on a bad date or found out a person I wanted to be friends with was annoying. I have had more hits to my self esteem in the last year than I think ever before. These are not excuses not to try to find positive, loving people to help me be a better person.
I am not afraid to be who I am. But who I am also includes what I want to have in my life. I am not going to force anything to happen, but really, the worst thing that could happen is I could find a person whose personality just doesn't mesh with mine. And it is better to have sought out relationships than to sit at home feeling sorry for myself.
It takes a lot of courage to be a thoughtful, deliberate person. I think somewhere inside of me I possess it!
Finally, RE: Romance
I know from experience that I should not be codependent on someone. The only person who I should are about changing in a relationship is me. It is highly unlikely that I can change that person, and I shouldn't have to. The little personality flaws I find in this person and that this person finds in me should be extremely minor things that don't interfere with our affection for one another. I need to find someone who makes me a better me.
It doesn't have to be today, and it doesn't have to be any time soon. But really, I confess that I miss a good snuggle (NOT SNUGGIE!) or just the feel of someone's hand in mine or arm around me. I am an affectionate person with a lot of love to give. It is not my first priority in life to get my MRS., but it would be nice if it felt right. Same story with kids.
I know that I can't be like Rapunzel wasting away in her tower. That's not going to help me live a fulfilling life. But I also don't want to be one of those Girls Gone Wild. There is a way to go out and seek relationships that isn't needy, isn't slutty, but is fulfilling. That is what I am trying to find. And I don't just want to think about finding it, I want to do something to make my life waht I want it to be.
I get advice sometimes and here are two really good ones from my fam:
- the right person for you will love things about you that you don't necessarily love! (and vice versa)
- the person for you doesn't have to be anything but just that, right for you. That's why you might not notice the person at first, since you have this picture in your mind of your ideal person. (That is, you can't just order a groom with pre-defined characteristics, a la Edward Cullen in the mail. It would be easier that way but not right. The media's view of romance aka instant gratification/sex/disposable relationships doesn't help! Real romance is well worth having but I know it isn't easy to come by.)
Ok I realize that not the whole world is going to look at this blog but it is therapeutic for me so that's all that matters to me. Expressing myself helps me.
Now I just need to put my beliefs into action rather than just words alone.